I recently completed a really quite unusual mystery shopping task which could only practicably be undertaken by telephone… And what would that possibly be that could only reasonably be “undertaken” by phone? I hear you ask yourself: Mystery shopping for a well known UK wide funeral chain – No-one could exactly pop along to the target undertakers to be researched in person to discover prices being charged and services offered by the competition without a real body, could they?!?!?!

My client wanted to know how much the competition are actually charging for a typical average funeral (rather than the cheapest available option to lawfully dispose of a body which is what I was informed I would be told if I just got on the phone and asked “How much?”). My client also wanted to know what I liked and didn’t like about his competition’s approach to selling / explaining their services to me and whether what I would be told as a customer was confusing or complete – and would I (if I actually had such a relative locally)  place my business with whoever and why or shop around. In other words: to produce a written, subjective and explained view on the merits (or lack of them) for each of the research targets I’d spoken with.

So how did I do it? Well, I can’t give too many specific details away here because of client confidentiality – but to be able to complete the job I had to do a lot of background research and create plausible fictitious members of a notional part of my family tree so I could explain a realistic but made up support story that an elderly relative in another part of the country from where I had said I live (namely that my notional relative was residing in the part of the country where I was conducting the target market research but that I was living a great distance away), had had a bad fall in the summer and that things were looking bleak for a successful outcome from the local hospital (to that part of the country). I had looked up addresses in the very-local areas of the intended research targets and of course because I just happened to be apparently calling from the other end of the country it was perfectly reasonable that I couldn’t exactly ‘ just pop-by’ as I was often invited. The other thing about being able to give an address a couple of hundred miles away was that more than half of the people I spoke with one way or another were happy to send me all sorts of information in the post too.

The type of questions I asked were: What do I do if and when my relative dies (as in the official paperwork requirements)? What are the burial or cremation options open to me? What does it cost (that is each part, coffins, hearse, extra cars, organising ministers, church services, being able to see the body [ie preparing it for this], etc)? How long does it take to organise? What sort of additional services are available? Some undertakers are actually organising wakes for bereaved families & friends, for example, demonstrating that there are many ways to add value to a business for additional services – even in death! There were other curiosities suggested to me too, all of which would give an undertaker an edge over his competition.

Each call actually lasted an average of 25 minutes but then writing up the reports and scoring each call took around another hour each. I did get rumbled – but only once – a very helpful lady actually rung the local hospital after she first spoke with me and then phoned me back somewhat concerned to tell me that the hospital had no record of my relative being there – So was I sure I had the right place? …. All in all a testing job but one that I enjoyed as a challenge – though I will confess I did feel kind of awkward and uneasy  in places whilst pumping people for information over death as such a subject matter. Also I have to say that getting into character as the concerned relative and trying to remember my story and not ‘leading’ any of the people I was speaking to was quite taxing too but I feel I did a good job and have received complimentary comments regarding the depth of the initial research and what I’d managed to find out as well.

So what would you like to find out about your competition? Or indeed the whims or requirements of your own target prospects. Why not pick up the phone and talk through your requirements? I’m good at what I do and the service is inexpensive too. More importantly I generally really do get good results and have more than a few long term relationships with a number of different businesses as these references attest.

The reason why my industry isn’t generally held in great esteem is because most telesales or telemarketing calls are either made by high pressured, insincere confidence tricksters who often come across like what or how they’re selling is, or should be, illegal – or the personality devoid dalek on steroids type who just talks at his ‘victim’ from a script. Literally word for word for word without pausing for breath. They often come completely off the rails when facing unforeseen interjected questions such as “What is the lead time?” or “Can I get these in blue?”.

I like to think I am very much different from both of the two examples I’ve given above because quite frankly I believe that the best, indeed the only way to do the job properly, is to make teleprospecting calls in a way which I wouldn’t mind receiving them myself: Not intrusive, not pushy, nor insincere and when properly briefed and researched. I like to empower the prospective customers I speak with by giving them information which enlightens and informs them about the product or service I am offering and then withdraw to give them time to consider the proposal. Isn’t that how you like to make buying decisions yourself?

If you’re looking for either of the former, I’m sorry I can’t help you. If you would much prefer the latter, please do give me a call to discuss your requirements. What I do is inexpensive, professional and above all, it works!